Dunes, Dust Offs and Dang its!

We just got back from an incredible weekend at the Little Sahara in Waynoka, OK for Snake Hunt weekend.  Snake Hunt is the biggest weekend for the community and the Dunes. The event has been going on forever and draws people from all over.

It's basically a bunch of people, driving really fast things and having a giant party.

We traveled down with a ton of friends as well as Austin's mom and step dad, and camped out for the whole weekend.  By camping out I mean, I stayed in Mark and Kathy's awesome RV with AC and running water... well water for the first day.

Kathy and I got to break in the RZR.  I thought I was a fabulous driver (which I was not) she insisted she was better and took over. (She also was not)  She almost did a really cool power turn. She hit the gas, turned the wheel, the RZR slid, then stopped.... then oh so very slowly began to tip until i was on my side, she was hanging in the air and we were both laughing hysterically. Luckily those puppies are tough and have harness seat belts so no damage to the car or us. We just dusted our selves off and went on our merry way!

While at the dunes, I should have ovulated.  My monitor never caught it though, so I may or may not have. I also started my cycle, which definitely isn't supposed to happen yet.  Not sure what to make of it.  Just documentation so that I have more information to provide to the clinic.  I am also waiting to hear from my OBGYN to see if I need to come in for some blood work to give us a better idea about what is going on.

I didn't let any of that spoil my weekend though.  As mentioned. the next few months Austin and I were ready for a little bit of a break, and some relief from all of the pressure.  Does it still suck?... oh yeah... am I still sad? ... you bet ya, but this month when things went wrong yet again I was lucky enough to be surrounded by family and friends that all kept my mind off of it.

It's not hard to be thankful for the here and now when it is so wonderful.  No, I don't have the now that I thought I would have one year ago.  I definitely thought we would have a little Wiechman at this point, but I do have a now filled with friends, family, love and laughter. A now that includes time for just Austin and I to enjoy each other and our marriage, time to travel on a whim and do things that would generally be more difficult if we had a baby.  That doesn't mean I'm not ready for that or that I have changed my mind and I want to back pack around the world or something crazy before we start our family.  (I am definitely ready, and am more than willing to have life be a little more complicated. ) I am just saying that while we are waiting for our future, God has blessed us with a wonderful "now".

Wishing you all beautiful "nows"!

The Water Aint That Great

So today at work we are having yet another gender reveal party for...yet another pregnant person. I have done the vote with the colored sprinkles party and I will hand you a spoon with the color of gender... I have seen the cake cutting, the cupcake filling, the balloon releasing.  Guess what.  I am not voting on your cute little chalkboard today and I am opting out of whatever cutesy reveal you have planned.

No this does not mean I am not thrilled that you are pregnant.  I am super happy for you office coworker that I never talk to, but see on occasion in the hall. I am sure someday it will be me surprising everyone with pink or blue somethings, but today it's not me, and today I just can't.  I can't put on the smiley face and I can't hear one more time that I should be careful drinking the water around here.

I am a tad fearful I might reply to one of the people that will inevitibly bring up the water with:

"I drink shit tons of water from here.  I have a fitness app that has me log my cups and my consumption is waaay up folks. I also take pee breaks every 30 minutes or so partly because I have inherited my mother's extremely small bladder, but also because of all of the damn water I am drinking. The water doesn't even taste that great. I've actually seen funny flakes in it before.  It's unfiltered tipity tap water and I am 100% positive it does not contain any sort of miraculous magical fertility inducing properties.  Or, maybe the crappy water does, and I have just exposed myself to it so many times that I have developed an immunity.  Either way... the water apparently makes everyone but me pregnant."

I will spare the poor person that WILL say something about the flippin pregnancy water my rant by excusing myself today. (Also, just so everyone knows I have not completely lost my marbles, I understand that people say things like this.  It's normal, it's not intentionally cruel, it's supposed to be light hearted and funny.  2 years ago I wouldn't have noticed or cared. I am not, nor will I ever hate on pregnancy water people :) )

Like I said today it's not me, but someday it will be.  Not from me drinking so much of the water at work that I can hear it rolling around in my stomach, but from having perseverance and faith in the plan God has for our lives.

So... part of this is my A.D.D but hang with me for a sec. I swear this will make sense.  The other day I looked at our tulips.  It's the first year we have had them, their very first time to try to bloom and they don't look so hot.   They are almost but not quite ready.  I guess that's where Austin and I are in regards to being parents.  This is our first attempt, granted it's been going on a 2 year long attempt, but we are first timers nonetheless.  We are a little worn and battered, but I feel it, we are almost there. I know our "almost" may last longer than that of our tulips, but we just feel ready. With time, patience and a little hard work come beautiful things.

Guess what... the tulips are now in bloom and they never got any water! Ha!

Updates!

It has been awhile since I have posted anything.  Life has been great, but rather uneventful.  I thought I might share a few highlights from the past few weeks: 

• No news on the baby front.  I took Femara at the beginning of the cycle and am tracking ovulation with my monitor, but we have opted out of the ovidrel shot this time.  We feel like we are ready for a few months of less stress and pressure.  My ovulation days also happen to fall on/around Snake Hunt, which is taking place this weekend, which is attended by thousands of people and we are staying in a camper with family and friends... clearly no baby making. haha :) There is still always a chance. (Not a chance that conception would take place in a camper full of people, but in general, there is always a chance). It does feel good to not be poked, prodded or having my insides explored this month.
• Emma, mom and Ky came to visit and we took a trip to the zoo.  You would think this would be fun, but it was exhausting! Emma could care less about the animals.  Her favorite things were the big rocks, the water and the Mennonite women.  
• Short story.  We crossed paths with a family/group of Mennonite women wearing bright new spring long dresses. Just as they are passing us Emma yells, "BYE PRINCESSES!!! I WANT TO WEAR A DRESS!" Adorable, and the highlight of the entire day.
• Emma also made us stop at every rock and water feature.  Do you have any idea how many of those things there are in our zoo? It took us and hour and a half to walk a mile... seriously.
• Austin and his friends FINALLY cut down a big dead tree in our yard.  He has been promising to do this for months. It kept dropping huge dead limbs on the car port.  I was plotting to pay to have the thing cut down as soon as he left for his next job.  No need now.  We cam home from the zoo and the boys hadn't touched the tree, (that was promised to have been removed, yet again) So I opened my big ole mouth and asked when they planned to take care of that.  Right now, was the response. YIKES! That thing is huge! There is no way you guys can do this without taking out our house or our other tree.  Not to worry. They all assured me they had watched enough episodes of Axe Men to handle this.  Sure enough, the tree came down without any giant disaster following.
• The mice have left now that it is warmer. Woo hoo! 
• Lou has been out of her kennel everyday and only one pillow has been eaten. Another woo hoo!

I am sure that I will have stories after our upcoming adventure weekend at the dunes. Stay tuned!

My Husband... My Hero... My Slight Pain in the A$$

I know that I always joke about Austin and I's relationship.  He really can be a ginormous pain in the rear and there definitely are days that I believe his sole mission is to annoy me to death, but I wouldn't trade one second of any of that.  I love my husband with my whole heart.

I have been beyond lucky to have him home for so long.  The burglary would have been way more traumatizing had he not been here, but more than that, the support he has given to me as we work through my fertility issues, very well may be the only thing that has gotten me through the last few months.

I try to keep the blog light and fluffy and most of the time I am positive and hopeful (after my self allotted 24 hours post negative pee stick pity party), but there are some months that I am not.  There are times that I am angry, sad, confused, hurt, envious, extremely emotional, fearful, pitiful and a little bit broken. (I know, I know, all super attractive qualities. Naylor gals, 93% of the time I am the nicest person I know, but everybody has a breaking point..haha)  He manages to love me through it and right on out of my temporary pit of despair.

He has had to be the happy, calm, hopeful, knowing and brave one and I am beyond appreciative. He is the one that keeps me positive and keeps this baby train on its track and moving forward.  He "knows" it will work itself out, as do I most days, but it is amazing to have someone reminding you of that when you are down.  I love him for all of it and felt it was time he got his own blog post!

On the days that his words of wisdom aren't able to talk me down.... he is still able to make me laugh. Living with this guy has and I am guessing will always be an adventure.

One that I very much enjoy and continue to look forward to.

The Stick is Mightier than the Sword.

Ok.  I have always had an issue with people posting pee stick pics of Facebook to announce their pregnancy.

1.) ewww you just peed on that
2.) It seems kind of trashy since you (as listed above...just peed on that)
3.) I pretty much take issue with all pregnancy posts because I am jealous. (Hey folks, I am not heartless, I have and will always be happy for others and their little miracles.) I also know envy is not a flattering trait, nor am I proud of the fact that I feel it, but I have come to terms with the fact that I am  human and its just going to happen sometimes. It's not like I'm mad that somebody has a nicer car or a newer purse.  I want to feel a baby kick, I want to see my belly grow, I want to be called mom. I cant help but feel a teensy bit sorry for myself when I see so many others blessed with the opportunity. I do suppose the pee stick posts are the easiest of the pregnancy posts to see.  I am able to move on from my pity party to grossed out pretty quickly because as mentioned above... YOU JUST PEED ON THAT!

This weekend my view may have slightly shifted.  Now I'm definitely not saying I will be posting pictures of anything that I have urinated on onto any sort of public media outlet, but I maybe get it.

I peed on my 53rd stick this week. (Yes folks, when you do this as often as I do, you start keeping a tally)  My ritual has changed over the months.  I used to sit and watch and wait.  I definitely don't do that anymore, it's waaaay too nerve wracking. Now I walk around my house and pretend like I don't care or have any idea that the stupid little stick is sitting on the counter in our bathroom, thinking, changing, and holding all of the power in the universe to forever change our lives or not in it's tiny little window.  Clearly the whole walking thing doesn't work.  So just watch the damn stick ladies. You know you want to.

For the 53rd time that little stick ruined my day, hurt my heart and taken some of my hope. (No fear folks, no irreparable harm is done, I'm just a little emotionally banged up post pee stick.) That little stick cuts deeper and harder than any knife or sword ever could.  I am pretty sure it's managed and has the power to pierce my actual soul. ( I bet First Response had no idea they had created such a powerful weapon. If only we could win wars with pee sticks.)  I am lucky to have an incredible husband to lean on and family and friends that each month help to rebuild any and all of my damaged bits. I really feel that while I grant myself my 24 hour pity party (which may or may not involve a super pouty face and uncontrollable tears) I bounce back a little bit stronger each time.

This is just another step in our path, a bump in our increasingly turbulent road, (Hello! We also go robbed this week. I totally thought perhaps the week would end with some good news!) but it's not the end of our journey.  We will continue to try, to have faith and to be thankful for the many other blessings that have been bestowed upon us in this life.

I have an appointment secured at the Center for Reproduction in May.  This is their forte, this is what they do.  They help people make babies.  It may mean multiple babies but I would take any number at this point. (Beggars can not be choosers, but if you are listening God, anything more than 3 totally freaks me out, but que sera sera. We will take what you give us, be eternally thankful and make it work...even if its sextuplets...gulp...)  We just want to be parents and I believe we will be exactly when we are supposed to be.

One day I will see that double line or that digital readout saying pregnant.  That day that little stick will be the most remarkable, glorious, joyous thing that I may ever have.  I will praise God for that pee stick.  For a split second I will think that that particular pee stick just might be Facebook worthy. (Then I will stop, regain sanity and refrain from posting pictures of it. Though I completely sure there will be pictures of it on my phone that will be shared with very close friends and family 1.)because my pee doesn't gross them out 2.) I will be proud of that stick.)

So as I said before I sort of get it.  I still don't really  like seeing it on Facebook (AGAIN.... It was peed on), but in a way that pee was extra precious to that person and that stick is the first of many tiny miracles. That I can understand.

Super Spies

So, I have found yet another thing I am not super at. Spying/stake outs/being quiet (which is a necessity for spies)

Most of you know our home was burglarized this week.  I can not even begin to explain the stress, fear, anger and sadness it has brought into our lives.  We are slowly moving forward.  I can honestly say that this experience has been more stressful for us than wedding planning and home remodeling.

Knowing some stranger was in your home, pillaging through your belongings, snooping in your drawers, tossing your skivvies, doing God knows what to your dogs, is more unnerving than I can articulate.

We are pissed... no we are SUPER pissed. (finally a super I can manage) How fricking dare you.. you dirty, no good, ass hat of a stranger break into someones home!!!! How can you look at yourself in the mirror? I mean honestly. Had you stolen food, I might have even felt a little sorry for you and thought man, they must need it waaay more than us, but YOU DO NOT NEED OUR FLATSCREEN!!! What I am guessing you needed was drugs. Which makes me even more pissed because while most of our belongings can be replaced, i can not buy another necklace that was given to me on and worn on my wedding day.  I can not go back in time and re-record my sister in law and her husbands incredible wedding on my camera that you have taken.  You have things that are of no real value to you, but mean the world to others.

You have taken not only our belongings, but our sense of security. Now our quiet mouse infested country home has become a ghetto-tastic zone of danger!

Austin already was paranoid and woke up to every noise outside.  Now he just isn't sleeping.  Last night we had to have "stake out" of our own house.  We sat on our couch in the dark, with the window slightly open so that we could identify every single vehicle that drove by. ( I also kept getting scolded, because apparently you are not allowed to talk during stake outs. Me not talking...not happening)   OH MY GOSH!!! I'm exhausted.  We were robbed on Monday and we haven't slept soundly since!

Well Mr. A-hole robber... news flash. Don't you dare come to our home again. We have a new awesome thing called a home security system. We have become Fort Fricking Wiechman.  We will sleep tonight!