I am sorry to my friends and family that I haven't been there for, or have distanced myself from. Some of you have known what has been going on for the past two years and many have you have not. It's not that we didn't trust you with this or that we didn't like you enough to tell you. It is just so insanely personal and has been unimaginably difficult. This hands down has been the hardest thing that I have been through in my life and the most difficult thing we have faced as a couple. Who knew our marriage would be tested with a battle like infertility in it's first few months. I had no idea how hard this journey would be when we began it two years ago. I have off and on been an emotional mess and most often it was just too difficult to talk about. I also always thought that this month would be the month that we would be pregnant, so I won't have to share any of this.
Unfortunately that month never came and we continue our fight to grow our family. I am sorry for the phone calls I missed. There have been sad days that I just haven't felt like talking. I am sorry for the parties, nights out, and dinners I ditched out on. My life has revolved around my ovulation cycle and my focus has been on producing healthy eggs so drinking has been mostly out of the question. I have found that if a person of my age is seen not drinking it is assumed you must be pregnant, which often leads to questions that I wasn't ready to answer,so I would just avoid the whole situation. I am sorry to the friends that have had children that I haven't seen much of. I know it's dumb, but there are days that It's too hard to see you with your children. I am definitely envious and please know that I love you both, or all of you. I will always be happy for you, but there are days that I am simultaneously sad for me. For the friends that I haven't check in with or visited. I am sorry. Your life and the things you have going on are very important to me, but I have definitely been a little self involved. My life is a series of 2 week waits, I live off of a medication/testing/procedure calendar on my fridge and I haven't made time for much else. I hope to do better.
Now, the much more fun and deserved thank yous.
To all of my Friends and Family.
Thank you for your love and support that you have always shown us. For those we have shared with thank you for guarding our secret. This was our story to share when we were ready. To all of you, thank you for your friendships. We would not get through this journey without the fun, laughter and happy memories, that you provide us on a daily basis. For those that were unaware, thank you also for your understanding. Again, it wasn't that we didn't trust you with this, it was just a harder story to tell.
To my Husband
Wow I need more than a paragraph for this one, but I'll try to keep it short. Thank you for your love and your strength. Both have been called upon countless times. Thank you for dealing with me and my crazy hormones and for sticking needles in me as gently as possible. You must not have heard that part during our vows. "Do you Austin, promise to inject your wife with untold amounts of female hormones?" Well you may not have had to say "I do", but you have done this for us and I am grateful. To all of the Infertility Bloggers
Thank you for being courageous enough to share your story with the world/ a bunch of strangers. Know that there are a ton of other women going through a similar struggle that have found hope, laughter and strength in your words. I can only hope that my blog is able to do for others what yours have done for me.
To GOD
Whoa... where do you even go with that heading? Who writes a thank you to the big guy? This girl! Thank you for restoring my faith month after month. For giving Austin and I strength to see ourselves down this path. We take comfort in knowing we are not alone on this journey and that there is a greater plan revealing itself. Thank you for listening to countless prayers from us and on our behalf. Thank you in advance for the forgiveness I will asking for and hopefully be granted for some of my foul language posts. I will try to keep things clean.
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