Everyone please do not panic. I am not on a downward negative spiral all though this and the last post may suggest so. It just so happens that things haven't bee super fun lately. I have been a victim of coincidence. Let me break down the events of this month for you. ( Might I remind you that I am now within weeks...WEEKS... of beginning IVF. I am trying to be peaceful and happy.. Ha ha! The universe is totally laughing at that!)
Sucky not so awesome things that have taken place in January-
1.) I turned 30. ( Need I say more)
2.) My family home in Salina caught fire. Not a baby fire that just needed a damp towel to whack it out. I am talking a big, big fire that took out the entire garage, 4 vehicles, and left the house with such extensive smoke damage that it will most likely be unliveable for close to a year. Praise Jesus everyone escaped unharmed. I had no idea the extent of damage smoke alone could cause.
3.) Our gas range has never worked quite right and we just discovered why. Austin was trying to boil eggs and the burner flame was low so he began tinkering with it, which lead to dropping a part of the burner down some hole, which lead to more tinkering to try to get it out, a little bit of cursing and eventually the removal of the entire top of the dang thing. I could never have prepared myself for what was found inside... TONs of shredded insulation and MOUSE POOP! ewwww!!! After vacuuming out the nastiness we found that much of the insulation was browned/burnt. Austin cut out the brown pieces to reveal a boat load of DOG FOOD! ( No really a whole dog bowls worth of dog food and we have very big bowls for our very big dogs.) Our stove top was being used as a mouse hidey hole. The dog food was then burning anytime the oven was used. Thank goodness we didn't have a stove fire!4.) Lou has caught 2 more pack rats out back. One was injured and Austin was telling me to run out there and hammer it... not happening.. ever.
5.) Austin has trained our puppy Lou to be very protective of me, which would come in handy if anyone other than Austin was attacking me. (Just play attacking) Those of you that know Austin, know he loves to wrestle, scare people, pick people up, etc. So he came into the bedroom at night and grabbed my leg/ tried to scare me. Lou launched into action trying to "protect me". Unfortunately she launched her 70lb self onto my face leaving me with this beauty. Oh yeah the gash bled and then bruised :) Lovely, just lovely.
6.) Our washing machine stopped working again and won't drain. ( I swear we live in appliance hell)
7.) I had 2 cavities filled. I haven't had cavities since I was in grade school. What the heck? I am thankful to have a dentist that was thinking ahead though. The plan was to just watch the spots that looked suspicious and check in again later, but she knew we were getting ready for IVF and will hopefully be pregnant soon. In which case dental work can't be done and pregnancy can be hard on your teeth so by the end of all of it I could have had bigger issues. Still, two cavities in the front of your mouth... no bueno. Oh, the shots used to numb my gums also left me with multiple canker sores on both sides... yay!
8.) My car lease is ending. (Some of you may not know the back story to this.) A super short version. We purchased a car 3 years ago that was "certified pre-owned" and the entire wheel broke in half... while I was driving it.. on the highway. Luckily I heard weird noises and had slowed down so no accident had happened. We began looking closer at the vehicle and found a number of other things wrong and more instances in which our sales person had been less than honest. We were bamboozled. The only way they were willing to get me out of that car was if I agreed upon a lease. (Ridiculous.. I know) I felt it was the only option at the time and ended up hating the vehicle. Now we must decide do we pay a large fee to walk away from the car ( my mileage went waaay over, for which we will pay dearly) or work with them to find a vehicle I want to purchase and see that cost go away... So sucky! Technically the lease ends in February, but right now we are sorting through our action plan. It officially ends 4 days after IVF begins. (What are the odds) One of the largest life expenses we have yet incurred right next to another vehicle expense that was unnecessary. uck!
9.) There were more happenings that I will be blogging about at a later date , but I still need some time to work through them. Stay tuned!
This journey is hard and just gets harder. I am constantly battling my yo yo range of emotions, many of which are unflattering and then the guilt for having those not so in line with my natural moral compass emotions. Not to mention that life and all of it's craziness goes on. So managing it all can and will be difficult. I am desperately clinging to my faith and my hope in the plans that God has for my life. My cousin, Hope Wentz, wrote an incredible song, "I Can see the Light" and dedicated to my family after the fire. I felt so moved when I heard it and still reference the lyrics often. I am hoping she let's me share it on here, but for now a little teaser: it begins with;
Verse 1: I see your faith is shaken, so tired from all this waitin, but hold fast to the hope of what's ahead
Verse 2: I feel tears you've cried, the knots you've felt inside, I've known you from beginning to the end
So you can see why this might be applicable for so myself and so many others. :) God has been and will continue to be on this journey with me. My tears do not go unnoticed and I will hold on to see what his plan is for my life. He is revealing his purpose... much to slowly for my taste, but revealing it none the less. I know there will be a day I look back at this time of my life and see the beauty in the struggle.
