It’s Really Easy to Surprise People with a Pregnancy When They Think You Are Infertile

The day we found out we were pregnant ran around and telling our whole families.  We had waited so long for this moment; a moment we really weren't sure was ever going to happen at this point so there was absolutely no keeping this secret in.  Our families had prayed for us, cried with us (Ok… well cried with me, Austin isn’t a big crier), supported us, and loved us through these difficult years.  They had poked my booty (lovely progesterone shots), lifted our spirits, checked on us.  They were on this journey with us.  They HAD to know J 

We hunted down each family member that day. Some were a little trickier to track down... cough, cough Ashley... :)   We created these little baby pumpkins to give people as gifts.  Some got it right away, others it took a while.  Some were scared to suggest I was pregnant for fear of hurting our feelings. My grandma in particular was a little lot slow.  We were lucky enough to catch her on video. (see below)  After everyone figured out what was going on there were lots of tears and hugs, shouting and laughing.  Our families really have been on this roller coaster with us.  This is one insanely lucky baby.  It was wished for, prayed for and loved by so many long before it was here! 

WATCH GRANDMA & PAPA TRY TO GUESS WHAT THIS P-U-M-P-K-I-N was for.

I Was Not That Girl – Message to Those Still Fighting the Good Fight For Their Family

Don’t for a second think that I am one of those women that just relaxed or stopped worrying and got pregnant.  Those stories used to make me kind of mad when people would offer them up as a solution.  I knew some of it was meant to be encouragement, but it often felt like judgement, or like it was discrediting what we were doing and what we were going through.  On top of that, how is it even possible?  When you are in the middle of battling this diagnosis, fighting so hard for a  family and someone says…”do nothing, relax, don’t worry.” Really!?!  How does that even work?!.  How do I rip this desire from my heart as if it never was.  How do I ignore this ache from the hole in my life that is the child I don’t have?!? How do you forget this? Ever…?

 After our last failed IVF I was kind of a mess. Yes, we filled our “summer of fun” with some incredible trips.  Things I will remember forever that were a blast and made for great distractions, but the second we were back home and it was me alone with my thoughts, I was right back in that place.  Walking around smiling, faking happy, all the while battling a hollowness that was filling my inside, threatening to swallow me whole.  I would cry randomly and often.  My heart just ached….

I do not attribute this pregnancy to “not worrying or relaxing”. That’s just not our story. In fact I was perhaps the most stressed/sad I had ever been when things happened.    I am giving this one all to God.  There is nothing and clearly no one else that could have made this happen.  We had exhausted our options medically.  We were exploring some alternative natural options, but hadn’t been doing anything long enough to have impacted an outcome.  This was out of the blue.. or was it? This was perfectly planned and timed.  I’m still not at a point where I can say I am thankful for the path that lead us here, but I do know it’s changed us.  It’s made us stronger, better people and a stronger, better couple.  We will be better for this baby, because of what we have been through.  For that I can be thankful.

I am humbled to know that our story/this blog has brought comfort to others going through their own struggles.  I don’t want you for a second to think I have forgotten you.  This blog will likely be taking a turn from infertility treatment to documenting my pregnancy.  The blog was always supposed to be the story of our lives… it just happened to be largely made up of needles and meds. J   Please know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers always.  I will not soon forget what the heartache that is infertility felt like.  I think those may be scars I carry for the rest of my life.  If there is ever anything that I can do for any of you feel free to connect with me.  Wishing you all courage, strength, and peace!

No. The Dog Isn't Dead.... But I'm Pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So things have been weird lately… very weird.  I am going to have to back up so you get the whole story.  Last we left off, I had gone to the Riordan Clinic and started making some lifestyle changes. (Increasing healthy food consumption and reducing exposure to toxins)  I had also started a new supplement that is supposed to support natural progesterone development and a natural prenatal.  Fast forward 2 weeks.  I’m late… well aunt flo is late.  Not a huge surprise.  Yes, my cycles had leveled out during our break and the previous four and been around 32 days long, but I have had MANY a wonky cycles in the last few years and needed to take progesterone to induce a period so this isn't all that unusual.  I call Riordan to ask if the supplement lengthens your cycle. 

They said, “ No and we bet you are pregnant.  Take a test and call us tomorrow”

I thought, “ you peeps have lost your minds. I will take the stupid test, but I have been here and done this before”

Friday rolls around and I take the test. Negative.  Told ya!  I call the clinic to let them know.

They said, “ give it a week and if you haven’t started a period, take another test.”

I thought, “ this is so so so so so so dumb. Whatever!”

So I waited the week and the next Friday I wake up.  I unwrap that stupid little pee stick.  The stick I knew would say no, the stick that ALWAYS said no.  I peed on the dumb thing and walked off.  That’s right. I was not giving another one of those sticks my time of day.  I used to stand there and watch, anxiously waiting for something to happen.  Oh no! Not again!  I will not give this stick the satisfaction.  I walk off and make my coffee and return to the bathroom to throw the thing away so I can call the clinic and they can figure out what is going on.  I pick up the stick and pause… hmm… there seem to be a lot of letters on this thing.  I think my brain couldn’t even register that it said “yes”. That’s right, this wasn’t a faint pink maybe line this was a digital test and the thing said yes!!!  I think I stood there staring at it for 5 minutes… just staring at it.  It SAYS YES! It finally began to sink in and I crumpled to the floor and sobbed.  That’s right.  Flat out ugly cried and started yelling for Austin.

Poor Austin was still sleeping and came running into the bathroom hair a mess, eyes wild, completely panicked….

Him, “What’s wrong?!?! Is the dog dead?!?!” (sounds so weird, but our oldest dog has had a seizure and isn’t in the best of health)

Me… continue to sob and point at the counter… the pee stick.

Him, “ The dog’s not dead?.... (sees the stick) You’re shitting me!?!”

Me… “ I’m not shitting you… (while crying)

All of the years of pinning to a secret Baby Pinterest Board and planning multiple cute ways to surprise my husband with a pregnancy and I end up just completely freaking him out. There was no way to have prepared for that moment.  So we are both freaked out and convinced that maybe it’s just a defective test.  Austin runs to the store and buys 2 more boxes.   I take one from each… I am running out of pee at this point, but we have to be sure.  All of them positive! Two lines! I have waited 3 years to see two lines! They are there and they are dark! It’s for real!

We call the doctor and get in for blood work that morning and find out that afternoon that the blood test confirmed the pregnancy.  Confirmed it!!! The pregnancy that couldn’t happen, that we were told likely wouldn’t happen.  It’s happening!

More to come soon!