Lobsters and Menopause

Well coming off of the wedding weekend, I am feeling exhausted… like really really tired… hoping it’s because my body has been busy trying to make a human! I have also cried at Braums while taking about my sister in laws dog that passed (which Austin laughed at me for… not because it isn’t sad…it’s extremely sad she was a wonderful dog, but maybe not cry in Braums at that exact moment sad)  I am also experiencing hot flashes which are super fun.   I am pretty much always cold ( I have on many an occasion actually slept in my UGGS/ugly boots), but not lately and man when these things hit it’s not a… “huh, I’m feeling a tad warm”… it’s a “What the hell!?! Who started this inferno and how the heck do I peel my skin off of my body because I am pretty sure it’s on fire?!”.  I am driving Austin absolutely insane.  He came to bed the other night and I had opened the bedroom window after one of my heat waves. (Did I mention it was maybe 13 degrees outside? He swears he could see his breath when he came in… psh whatever the pansy.)  He decided it would be reasonable for him to shut the window and turn on the space heater….uh no… bad call.  I fairly quickly awoke feeling what I am almost positive would be the equivalent of what a lobster might feel upon entering a boiling pot of water… (I may have even made that high pitch screamy noise they make… maybe) 

Ok..ok… I understand is maybe not so rational to sleep with the windows open when there is snow on the ground and our furnace is on… but holy hell when will this end?  There are only so many layers of clothing one can remove… I mean that literally… they are all gone… totally naked and still feel like it might be a good idea to make a snow angel in our backyard… just don’t want frostbite on the tush. I am rather attached to my tush… again I mean that literally.

I suppose there is a plus side to all of my fluctuating hormones, pregnant or not, I am now able to better empathize with menopausal women and lobsters.  

Saving Lives is Exhausting!

So Austin’s mom Kathy and I went out in search of a new project, (We are both project junkies and are running out of things to do in our own homes) specifically furniture to paint.  We redid the furniture that is now in my master bedroom and wow does it look good! Even Austin was impressed. 

Anywho, we began searching at Good Wills and DAV’s around town.  After our 3^rd stop we excited the store to be rushed by a herd of dogs.  By herd I mean a Pitbull, a St. Bernard and a fat little Chihuahua. So yes I own a Pitbull myself, but being swarmed by monster pooches you do not know… a tiny bit unnerving. They seemed friendly enough and definitely knew each other.  They were playing and running.. right on to CENTRAL Ave. !!! Oh no!  Not the street you may be big, a tiny bit scary and slobbery, but you aren’t dying on our watch! We were able to distract the pooches long enough to read the pits tags and call the Vet listed.  They informed us there was not much they could do but we could bring the dogs in before they close.  Yeah, just bring the dogs in.  Like that’s easy… well easier than we thought.  Kathy and I actually were able to coax and hoist the two huge dogs into the back of my car, but the damn Chihuahua took off.  Well we can’t have that. Clearly these dogs are a family and somewhere there is a small child so sad his pets are missing and how devastating to only get 2 of the 3 back… well 2 is better than none, but …no we need to catch the damn thing.  So we take off in my car down a side road and the pudgy little fur ball is sitting in a driveway.  The house next to it was surrounded (front and back) by a chain link fence.  The sign on the fence read “BEWARE OF DOG” and the pitbull inside of it made me totally ok with heading that warning.  Kathy also smartly refused to step onto the porch so we opted for honking.   After a few beeps the blinds opened and a small child poked their head out… Don’t worry Kathy had everything under control. She yells “we’ve got dogs! We’ve got dogs!”

1.)    Our window is up and their window is closed so I doubt she can hear you.

2.)    Why don’t we just offer them candy to look in the back of our car?

Well they finally came outside and confirmed that we indeed had their dogs.  We were able to confirm that we were not neighborhood creepers trying to lure them into the back of my vehicle with false promises of puppies.  Pretty successful day if you ask me!

Always an adventure when the two of us are involved!

You be the Anchor

So my incredibly romantic husband. (Disclaimer: This title of romantic does in no way undermine or diminish his title of manliest man on the planet.) Came across a saying that reminded him of us.  He truely has been my rock through this difficult time, my comic relief, my anchor... but... I also know I am his.  He will tell you that in the saying I am his anchor keeping him grounded ( he tends to be a little wild so when he says grounded he means it in the nicest way possible) and he is my wings reminding me to enjoy this wonderful life that we have been given and that you are never too old for fun!

I also found a verse that resonated with me that gave the anchor even more meaning:
"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul." Hebrews 6:19

So I paid tribute to my amazing husband and awesome God in the most permanent way possible...

Pins and Needles

So I went to an accupuncturist.  I had heard of many women successfully conceiving after going to one so I thought why they heck not.

I am suprised to say I LOVED it! I am not super keen on needles.. I hate shots, blod draws etc.  (Tattoo guns don't seem to bother me... wierd, but true) but I absoutely loved it and am officially a believer.  The woman was extremely thorough and treated me for more than fertility.  We worked on relieving stress as well and I have honestly never felt so calm and balanced in my life.  I will definitely be returning.  There is a lot to be said about natural and alternative medicines!

New Technique... This One is NOT Out of the Karma Sutra

I get the Ovidrel Shot! So excited to be trying something new this month! (Prior to going to the Doc)

Shots in your stomach = no Bueno.  I was fully prepared to drop my drawers.  Surely this shot goes in your hip right? Negative. Right in your abdomen.  Let’s hope this thing works so that I don’t have to do that again… like ever!

Mouse update… nothing.  Still haven’t caught a single one! I will get you!

Got some Good Follies!

December… how in the world is it December.  I am NOT READY for DECEMBER.  I am not ready for this freezing weather, I am not ready for Christmas (none of my shopping is done) and I am NOT READY FOR THE CRITTERS.   Those that know me have heard my treacherous tales of woodland creatures taking up residence in our home every winter.  WE ARE NOT A BED AND BREAKFAST FOR VERMON!  Now if someone out there speaks “mouse” please share that with our unwanted guests.  They are already here.  I have had 3 sightings… actual sightings.  Austin is trying to tell me I am probably seeing the same mouse. ( As if I am that naïve)  I know that if I have actually seen 1 there have to be hundreds more! Uck!  I declare war! After purchasing and setting a small arsenal of various traps…nothing. NOTHING!! They think they can outsmart me? Haha! No way.  I will try every trap I can find until I catch something… anything!  I know they are there.  I can hear them scratching in the walls.  I HEAR YOU!!! 

As if I didn’t have enough on my mind with all of this baby business.  Perhaps this mouse hunt will be a much needed distraction. 

Speaking of baby business… today is a super exciting day.  I met with an ultrasound tech to see my follicles… so weird, but yeah my follicles and I had some!! Good ones.  One really good one so I get to have a trigger shot that should ensure ovulation! 

Miracles do happen in December!

Low News is Good News

So I have been battling myself for the past 24 hours.  The doctor’s office should have the results of my blood work, but I can’t quite get myself to call.  I like living in the land of possibility. Possibility that I ovulated, the possibility that I am actually pregnant.  The land of possibility comes with high levels of anxiety. Every time my phone vibrates I know it could be the doctor’s office and I swear my stomach jumps into my throat.  JUST CALL ALREADY!!! Ok… now I am back to waiting. I left the message to find out my results.  The phone rings… it’s my doctor’s nurse…. She has sort of good news?? Maybe, possibly.  My levels are up… not ideal but up. 5.5 to be exact, which is a vast improvement from the big fat 0s from the past two months. This most likely indicates ovulation happened.  Most likely??? Ugh! Back to the waiting… time will tell.

End of November:

The dreaded phone call.

Negative. Yet again. Blood work shows there is no baby Wiechman on the way.  It’s a little disheartening, but I remain strong in my faith and hopeful.  The last lab work showed things are moving in a positive direction, so maybe this next month will be the one?   I’ve really been diligent in reading my daily devotional. (Jesus is Calling) I highly recommend it.  Days especially like today would be even more difficult if I hadn’t begun them reading about God’s promises.  I am not alone on this path, beyond the support of family and friends I have a constant companion to lean on.  Thank you God for the gifts you have provided in my life and your everlasting love.  One of these days I know you will provide me with an amazing child (Clearly amazing, because it will have the most awesome parents! )...in your time. 

I'm Just Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

November:

Ugh! The waiting! The waiting while you are trying to conceive is more excruciating than any test or procedure you could possibly endure.  I am yet again waiting.  Waiting to see if my OPT was correct, waiting to see if my bbt chart really does show that I finally ovulated, waiting for the call from the doctor’s office to hear that my monthly blood draw shows that I did indeed ovulate,  waiting to hear that there is even a chance I could be pregnant.  I feel like I am constantly waiting.  Patience is a virtue that I am running low on these days.  Struggling to conceive is physically and emotionally exhausting, as is constantly living in this limbo.  Time will tell what God’s plan is for me.  I am doing my best to give it up to him. Give him my fears, my sorrow, my worries.  

Testing...Testing.. 1.. 2... Tubes... Fallopian that is...

October:

Time for another update.  After months with no signs of ovulation we are moving to the next step.  An hysterosalpingogram ( or HSG test… who the heck can remember that word!) was performed.  I was nervous about this.  I googled.  Ladies going through a similar experience, the best advice I can give you know is put down your mouse and STOP GOOGLING!  Holy terrifying are the stories you find online and nowhere near accurate! Ignorance is bliss in this instance.  All I could find were stories of unbearable pain, complications etc.  Mine was quick and relatively easy.  I’m not saying that having dye injected into your uterus is a pleasant experience, it’s definitely a little uncomfortable, but overall it was a pretty cool experience. You get so see on an x-ray screen the dye going through your fallopian tubes.  Best case scenario you see “spillage” out of the tubes into your abdominal cavity.  Lucky me, both tubes (with a little push of extra dye) spilled! I was also fortunate to know the x-ray tech very well. She was amazing and made everything much more comfortable.  Huge thank you to my x-ray angel Diane Dold.  

Austin Visits the Lady Doc

Today was definitely interesting.  We went to visit my OBGYN.  Yes WE went.  (That means Austin joined me) I was so thankful to have him there to support me.  I can’t help but be a little emotional because of my traitorous body.  Luckily my day of tears was broken up with comic relief provided by fabulous husband.  The nurse came in to take my stats everything was normal. She then turned to hand me a sheet and informed me that I would most likely have to have a pelvic exam done.  I thought Austin’s eyes were going to bug out of his head.  I couldn’t stop laughing.  He said… do we need to do that today? Do I need to be here? Hahaha! Thanks honey, you are going to have to get used to this stuff.  As a woman trying to get pregnant, being poked, prodded, examined… modesty is a luxury I am not privy to. 

Thanks for the support hubs.. don't you remember signing up for this. "For better, for worse, for pelvic exams"

Baby Making Business

7/29/13

Who knew this baby making business was tough? I definitely didn’t.  I always thought it happened super easy. In sixth grade they separated the boys and girls to show us “the videos”.  (Yes back then they showed us in sixth grade and they were VHS tapes… I think they happen much sooner now since kids got scandalous and they probably don’t require being rewound anymore).  Post video I thought, “YIKES!” and “Gross”. (I hear this is not the typically reaction of all sixth graders nowadays…what is the world coming to? I had yet to experience my first kiss at this point so I was slightly traumatized post video.) Now off of my soapbox about the spiraling morals of today’s youth and back the point. 

As I got older, finally got kissed, and began dating my parents convinced me that almost anything could get you pregnant.  I couldn’t handle my Algebra homework let alone a kiddo at this point in my life so I avoided all “P”s (sounds like menis)

College I was smart enough to still know I was in no way shape or form ready to be a mom.  I still needed to get my crap together.  Who tries to mold another human being and guide them through life, when you can’t keep yourself on a straight path. ( Yes I may have spent some time walking/swaying two and fro down the streets of Aggieville back in these days, but that is not the path I am talking about, though I guess that applies here too.  Pregnant people would not want to sway like this either.)

So I graduate college, marry the love of my life after dating for 6 years.  We live in a tiny loft together, purchase and remodel a house ourselves, buy a puppy and plan a wedding.  After all of this we still are madly in love and were ready to start a family.

So… you get married stop the BC and get pregnant. Right? I mean your whole life people talk to you about being responsible because it is so easy to get pregnant.  It should almost be instantaneous. Nope.  I guess I see why they may not cover this side of things in school.  You don’t want to go telling all the young reckless… what is it 4^th graders now that get the video? (Oh, yikes I hope not, but back off the box)  Some of you should be really careful, but others of you may be able to live your lives like little harlots, because your lady parts will require assistance for pregnancy.  No, I suppose that’s not the best advice for young impressionable minds.  

I am a little bummed, ok a lot bummed that I have had to figure out this whole, getting pregnant can be difficult thing through experience.  I am lucky to have close friends and family that have been through similar circumstances and don’t mind listening to me vent, gripe, or cry… (usually all of the above)  I also am steadfast in my faith that this is the plan God has laid out before me and that he will see Austin and I through it.  I truly am blessed to be surrounded by such amazing people and Gods ever loving presence.  Without that there are days that I am not sure my sanity or my heart (sometimes both) could survive.  

The Beginning

God makes the impossible possible.  No matter how much you may not like your circumstances, or how difficult the task at hand may seem.  In God all things are possible.  I will follow the path laid out before me no matter how difficult, treacherous or down right crazy it may seem.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.