I am Cray Cray

Oh nooooo! It's happening again... these hormones and lack of sleep do nothing for my sanity (or what's left of it...) The flood gates have opened and I am crying... at work and I don't even really know why. Ugh! I feel like such a weirdo! I am sure I look it as well. Even when I gain my composure my blue eyes don't hide anything! They are scary bright red. These, thankfully few and far between instances of uncontrollable tear ducts can still make office life super uncomfortable...

Casual convos in passing in the halls; (Post weirdly uncontrollaby no reason cry fest)

Chamber staff person: "Hey! How are you?"
Me: Staring at my toes.  "I am good, thank you!"  ( In my head... walk fast don't give her time to talk more... please stop talking, please stop talking please stop talking....  not giving eye contact is sooo rude, but you don't want me to look... please don't ask me anything else..."
Chamber staff person:  " What did you do this weekend?"
Me: (In my mind "UGH! NOOO! Keep looking at your feet.) " Oh lots. It was pretty busy" (Crap... I have to ask how hers was and I have to stop staring at my toes... I am seeming soooo rude... ok here ya go!)  I look up... My bright red eyeballs on full display. I smile extra big to maybe counteract the sad with happy, but I just look super scary I'm sure.  " How was yours?"
Chamber Staff : "Oh it was great,gotta run!"

Great I am freaking people out, myself included. Come on Wiechman pull it together. Nothing sad has happpend today. Maybe it was all the Zoobilee bellies and I am just now thinking about them, maybe it's the fact I had to go home because I forgot my vaginal progesterone stick, (Something most people don't need in their pursers or vagina's), maybe it's all the baby photos on facebook, maybe it's the fact that another pregnancy test is coming up and that single line is looming over my head, or maybe it's just that I'm a tiny bit cray cray. 

I just received the following story in an email from one of my very dear friends:

"I had a dream last Spring that I met my future child.  She was an adorable blond baby girl, and she told me that she lives in heaven right now and she took a lot of time looking at different mommies before she picked me as her future mommy because she knows that we will need each other.  She also said that she chose me because of my little sister, because she will need her too.  I don’t know what this means, but to me it saws that there is a lot of thought that goes into choosing the right babies for the right future mommies, and your baby just isn’t ready yet.  He or she might still be in heaven getting to know all the family up there before they head down here to earth to meet you and Austin. " 

Crap... I am crying all over again.  This email couldn't have come at a better time though.  I know you all probably get sick of hearing how fortunate and blessed I am. ( Which totally contradicts my posts  in which I throw myself pity parties for all of my fertility struggles ) but damn it, I am.  I have wonderful friends in my life that know just what to say at just the right time.  It's so easy to forget that there is a bigger picture to our lives and a greater plan in the making for each of us. Today I am thankful for friends and their friendly reminders.