Espere Dos Semanas

Spanish for two week wait.  I am so sick of typing two week wait, though not nearly as sick of living in it.  I figured I would spice it up with some Espanol! It sounds a little sexier and less sucky in Spanish.

Here we are again.  Waiting to see what happens. So far so good.  No post ovulation issues this cycle so that is a HUGE improvement.  Only time will tell.

I have noticed that i had gotten into this nasty little habit of saying "it is what it is", when discussing bad situations, this fertility stuff included.  I decided that was depressing when you really think about it, that sounds like I am a victim of my circumstance and tough titties to me, because I'm doomed to live it out forever.

I know that isn't true so I have changed my thinking and my tag line!

What will be, will be... now that sounds like there is a plan. (I am a total planner so I NEED this!) I need to know that I am on a path to find my future and I must continue along, regardless of obstacles encountered. This says I have faith in God and the plans he has for me. 

Bonus.. it is a Doris Day song, which reminds me of watching old movies with my sisters and Grandma Cassel, which makes me happy.  It helps make what might begin to feel like unfortunate circumstances, not 100% better, ( I just did some word smithing with my mantra, I didn't save the world ), but definitely a little less sucky. 

Thankful for good old Doris and G'ma Cassel. ( I suppose I should add Papa too.  He was usually forced to turn off baseball to let his granddaughters watch musicals, which are not his favorite. Love you both!) 

Super Something

So yesterday I got to help out my lovely friend Laura, who owns an amazing local boutique. She has had me "model" clothing for her online store a few times now and I always freak out about it. It takes place right after work and I am always rushing around to put myself together. This time I was running particularly late and Austin just can't resist an opportunity to screw with me when I am stressed.  I haven't even clipped in my weave yet and he's in our not so big bathroom with me dancing/pelvic thrusting and singing a little ditty about my dirty face. (Ok... my makeup was not done and I am trying to learn how to contour with bronzer.  Clearly I have not mastered this yet.)  GET OUUUUUTTT!!! He leaves, I continue, he returns with more song and dance.  Life is always interesting at our house. I wouldn't have it any other way :)

Back to "the shoot".  So I don't bring any mad "super" model skills to the table, ( However my smize and booty touche are improving), but I do bring my own personal supply of "supers"...

1.) Super awkwardness (Forced photos are always awkward.  Plus my serious face looks more like constipation than anything else)
2.) Super pastiness (Come on it's only April in KS! I think I forgot what sunshine looks like)
3.) Super dance moves ( Laura and I have perfected a move we have lovingly named the crotch wash...its a must see)
4.) Super strangeness (I embrace my wierd)
5.) Super Selfies (All for your viewing pleasure!)

Thankful:  For sunless tanner, Instagram and a husband that shares my sense of humor!

A Couple that Cooks Together...

Eats together! Duh! ( I bet you thought I was going to say something sappy like "stays together" )

I know I talk a lot about Austin and I picking on each other like grade school kids in a kick ball game, but the truth is, we really enjoy our time together. The older we get the more we are finding common interests.  (Well interests that we have in common, not things that are common that we do)

1.) Going to the Dunes and riding wheelies in the buggy!
2.) Singing/rapping throughout the day
3.) Rodent control (less of an interest more of a necessity)
4.) Eating
5.) Cooking (which leads to eating)

We definitely have a habit of eating out... a LOT... but we really are working on changing that.

We have cooked for the last two weeks straight. ( I mean, we still had Jose Peppers, but most nights we really cooked)

Although some of our cooking involves Austin telling me that he knows how to do everything better because he worked at Village Inn (which is countered by me saying that we aren't making pancakes!), most of it is just us goofing off, having fun and learning together. We really are pretty good cooks! At least we like what we make :) 

Yesterday we learned what tomatillos are and made the most amazing cilantro jalepeno ranch! Thank you Pinterest for something that actually tasted good and worked out!

http://www.favfamilyrecipes.com/2008/09/cafe-rio-cilantro-ranch-dressing.html  

We used this on top of brisket tacos.  Thank you Mark for having left overs!

More thankfullness:

Thankful for Mark's mad BBQ skills, Tomatillos, my hubs in general, and Pinterest :) 

Mouse Cake Anyone?

Time for a mouse update!

The big guns that Austin brought out seem to be working.  Our poison supply is diminishing and we have since found 4 furry not so alive mice!

Wiechmans: 12!!!!
Mice: Still winning

The latest of my "furry finds" was in my CAKE PAN!!!! Why would you decide to die in my cake pan little mouse?!?! I have washed it 3 times in the dishwasher, but I still can't bring myself to put it back in my cupboard.

Way too gross.  No worries everyone. If you ever eat a cake I baked it will be from a brand new, dead mouse free pan!

Big Hair Don't Care!

Big would be great and quite preferable, but I'll take any hair at this point! Ugh! I have been trying to grow my hair out F-O-R-E-V-E-R! No, this is not an exaggerated over embellished forever.  The last time I really cut my hair was my Senior year of college. (THAT WAS ALMOST 7 YEARS AGO)  I have tried trimming it. ( I soooo hate trims.  Even when a teeny tiny bit is taken off it, I feel like we might has well just shave the whole thing, because that teensy tiny bit took me 4 frickin months to grow out!)  So I quit trimming, I tried not putting it in my staple princess bun. (Only because it entails folding my extremely frazzled ends under to tuck them into my pony tail and I may or may not see a crap ton of hair fall out when I undo it ).  All of my efforts to fix my hair in the past apparently were in vain, because I can't tell you how many people in the last few months have asked me if I have cut my hair!!! Of COURSE I HAVE NOT CUT MY HAIR!!! I am beyond desperate to wake up with long luscious locks. (Emma, my 3 year old niece has the same aspiration, though she would say to have hair like Punzel).

Now I have resorted to drastic measures. I heard that this line of Aveda hair products works wonders on your hair, so of course I bought it. (desperate times call for desperate measures) Here are my issues with it.

1.) The shampoo does not suds. (which is ok, but you just don't feel quite as clean)
2.) The crap cost $100 for a teeny, tiny bottle of shampoo, conditioner and scalp sprat
3.) Austin seems to love the smell of it and enjoys taunting me from inside the shower.
       
Austin: "Aubrey I'm using your new special shampoo-ooo! I like the way it smells"
    ME: "Austin drop that bottle unless you would like to buy me more"
The next day I hid the shampoo.
Austin:(from inside the shower)  "Aubrey bring me your special shampo-ooo I have to use it!"

I know I know! This shampoo was stupid to buy. It doesn't seem to be helping me, I'm broke and my husband has found yet another way to drive me bonkers!

So the Shampoo system sucks. Onto my sister's suggestion. Coconut oil conditioning 2 times/week. Here are my issues with this.

1.) Coconut oil is not coconutty. WTH? No smell, none, nada. Major bummer. I was hoping to feel as though I was on a tropical vaca every time I used it.

2.) Coconut oil is the consistency of Crisco.  Yep. Solid, white and super duper greasy. This makes for a seriously messy application.  I would like to say it gives my hair that super sexy sleek super model look, but I would totally be lying. I look more like someone who has boycotted all hair products and/or showering in general. Grease ball!

3.) I have to wear a shower cap to contain the greasiness.  Austin LOVES to make fun of the shower cap.  I get it, it's not sexy, but it's a necessary evil until my hair decides to cooperate!

I can't say this doesn't work yet. I have only done it twice so no big changes yet but it has given Austin yet another way to annoy me and I have a really hard time washing the crap out my hair with my sucky Aveda non foaming shampoo!

I am totally open to suggestions folks! Until then. More thankfulness...

I am thankful for the invention of clip in extensions so I can appear to have the luscious locks I so desire. (I think Emma would be thankful for these too. She has a clip in Rapunzel braid)

My list of random groups of people I am able to now relate to is ever growing! Women with every "not so fun" pregnancy symptom as well as those that are premenopausal, lobsters, and toddlers with princess hair envy. (LUCKY ME!) :)

     

Some People Just Aren't Going to Like You...

I wasn't talking about me.I was talking about Lou. (I mean who doesn't like me? Right?  Just kidding! I know what you are thinking right now Amanda!)  This is definitely true of people and dogs. You can not be everything to everyone.

 We were in Salina for a visit and Lou desperately wanted to play with the poodles. She tried being friendly, formally introducing herself with a butt sniff, she tried taunting them with toys, being gentle, being not so gentle, she tried laying upside down, jumping in the air, and finally she resorted to the awkward stare. Try as she may, Riley and Charlie never warmed up to Lou. They whole heartedly hated her guts the entirety of our visit.  I guess you could say they were slightly more tolerable by the time we left... sort of.  Maybe next time Lou!

Frequent Flyer

Here I am! I'm back loveley receptionist ladies! Lucky you! You have seen me 3 times in 1 week!

Yikes... I feel like it's bad when you are on a first name basis with the whole front desk at your OBGYN's office and they feel so bad for you that they have stopped making you pay your co-pay (Surely it's not required everytime. Let's hope I don't get a big ol' bill soon!)

I also felt like it was time to bust out the. "I really wish you had a punch card or a frequent flyer program!" Surely I would have racked up enough points to get me something good. (An all expense paid hour on a cold hard patient table with your legs in stirrups while you get your insides looked at) YES!!!!!


I have been spending some serious time here, as well as a ton of time looking at and getting to know my uterus and ovaries quite intimately.  I think it's time we too get onto a first name basis. I haven't decided exactly what everyone's name should be, but I will be brainstorming and taking suggestions!

Also, I got my shot! Woo hoo! Fingers triple crossed that this is the cycle that takes!

My LIfe is a Musical

My family, friends & coworkers would all attest to this.  I think all things are a little bit better if you sing about them.  (Austin and I have been known to have song battles at home... I will say he is much better rap freestyler than myself... but you bet your buns I can turn everyday activities into a song fit for a Disney Princess movie... "Bring me more toilet paper...lalalalal" 

Well why not sing a little at the doctors office? I'm tired of being here, I'm tired of being surrounded by pregnant bellies, I'm tired of getting shots in my own belly... let's sing. ( in our heads of course, I'm not sure the other ladies waiting would appreciate my unique gift for creating songs)

It's sono day and the song I can't get out of my head  (& it totally shouldn't be there and is so wrong in so many ways, but so perfect at the same time!), is featured in the movie Pitch Perfect (If you haven't seen it do, it's awesome, you can Aca-believe me!)  So it's the song at the end that the Treble Bases perform and specifically the part where the nerdy guy with the white doves and doves that was dying to be in the group finally gets to sing...He opens their act with....

"I've got the magic in me.."

Again, you will have had to have read my blog to find any of this funny at all, but it totally is! I can't quite contain my giggles. I mean the rest of the song who cares, I just keep thinking that verse over and over during my sonogram. (Again, in my head people. I like my sono tech and I definitely don't want to weird her out!)

Well wand I hope you have worked your magic today! My follies aren't quite ready so I'll be back tomorrow for my shot! 

Waiting..Waiting..Waiting...

I know I have already blogged about this. The endless waiting that comes with trying to conceive.  As always my life is full of waiting.

I am waiting yet again to see if I can grow a folli big enough for my injection
I am also waiting on the center to schedule my consultation
The Center is waiting on my patient file from my doctor
Then I will be waiting on a test result...again

On and on this waiting game goes. I have really begun to despise waiting.  I am not sure that I am still at a point where I am strengthening and developing my capacity for patience.  I feel as though I am reaching my limits and it is now being challenged.

Today on my way back to work  John Waller's song, While I'm Waiting, played on the radio.   I knew this song from the movie, "Fireproof", and the first time I thought it was pretty, but it didn't stand out to me. Today when I heard it, I couldn't help but feel moved.  All of  it's lyrics spoke to my current situation, but it also reminded me that waiting isn't always a bad thing. It also reminded me to not be idle in my waiting or to forget what my ultimate goal is.  To know God. Yes, I am waiting, but this means I have more time to fill in persuit of him. To anyone else waiting, and feeling their patience wearing thin, I definitely reccomend this song as a reminder that good things truely do come to those that wait. :)

Morning Routines

I ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY LOVE having my husband home.  What I do not love is getting up at the same time to use the same bathroom, which is our only bathroom,  to get ready.

I had my routine down pat. I knew exactly how late I could wake up to still be ready on time.  Austin has royally screwed this up.  Normally, we can work around each other in the mornings, but there is one part of his daily routine that I REFUSE to enter the bathroom airspace after. Let's just say it starts with a "P" and rhymes with EWWW... (Hahaha get it?)

I also find it fascinating that he is not alone in this ritual. Apparently it is fairly common among men to spend a lengthy amount of time every day on this endeavor.  I won't begin naming names. I think it's not fair for me to embarass anyone outside of my immediate family.. cough cough.. dad cough cough every other husband of every friend I have.

Seriously though.  What part of that takes so long!?! Hello I have hair to curl and a face to put on!

The only thing I can come up with is that it really is one of the few times of day some people have to themselves, so I can sort of kind of see why they might drag it out.

I might see, but I still don't have time for that shit. ( Get it?? again? haha ) I have resorted to making it the most miserable time of the morning.  I make sure I am singing, talking, qustioning and spying on him from right outside the door.  Surely if it's not fun, it won't take so long. Right?

I know there are other ladies out there that could benefit from this important research. I will as always keep you posted!

Austin promised that once I'm pregnant, we will finish our house.  I am definitely most excited about some day having a baby, but a future bathroom is coming in at a close second!

You Ain't Cool in Less You Pee in Your Pants!

Thank you Adam Sandler for that awesome quote and thank you bladder! It was a close call, but I am still not that cool!

So my latest trip to the OB's was interesting... I went in for my monthly sono to check on my little follies.  That's nothing new, but the technique I was told would be used was new to me.  I normally get the magical wand internal sono. This time I was told an external sono was planned.  The external sono requires you to come in with a full bladder.  You pee one hour before the test and then drink 32oz of water.

So,  things got interesting because I am pretty sure I have the worlds tiniest bladder. I get up almost every night for a toilet trip and average around 2 trips per hour during the day. ( I know! What the hell!?! I'm not even pregnant yet! I may as well build a home office equipped with a toilet or find a way to make it acceptable to have a chamber pot in my office.)

Anywho.  32 oz of water is a lot. 1 whole hour without being able to use the rest room is uncomfortable.  15 minutes of waiting at the doctor's office anticipating pressure on your stomach...AHHHH... pure torture. I feel like this could potentially be used as a military tactic. Those folks that won't talk when they get waterboarded... just find a way to make them hold their pee forever...

Nurse comes out, calls my name, I stand scared to use my extremley tightly crossed legs. Success! No pee on the floor!

We walk back to the sono room.

Nurse: "Do you feel like you need to use the rest room"
Me: "(in my head..DUH! I'm pretty sure I might pee on you if you touch me! Out loud... "Why yes I do"
Nurse: "Well, I will need you to empty your bladder. We are going to proceed with an vag sono today"
Me: " (in my head... What !@!@* ??  Then I feel calm and hear the halleluja chorus plaing. Out loud... " No problem, and thank you"

I guess I have learned a valuable lesson today.  No, I do not enjoy the magic wand sono, but I think I prefer it to the other option.

Folli update: Those little guys weren't quite big enough for an injection so I will be returning to the office later this week for more magic wand time!

Don't Let Your Husband Decorate

No insightful or witty post.  I am being 100% serious!

Casualties of War

Austin is feeling like quite the hero.  He brought out the big guns (rat poison) and it seems to be working.  How would we know that you ask?  Dead mouse in front of our house and most recently.... drum roll plese... DEAD MOUSE ON OUR FREAKING STAIRCASE... 

Ok, I know that them running around the house is unacceptable, but them dying while trying to scurry down our stairs is just plain sad, though I suppose not as sad as a squeaker on a sticky pad.  

Someday we will be mouse free-ish.  

Hairy. Scary. Marathoners.

Have you ever gotten out of the shower and while you were drying yourself off noticed your leg hair... I mean, to have leg hair long enough to notice is a problem in and of itself.  Then you wonder... where did you come from and how did you get so long so fast? I will partly blame this most recent instance on a lack of motivation to do much because of an overwhelming feeling of self pitty, but I could also blame it on the fact that it's winter and I only shave to my knee most days because my workout pants are capris and I don't want to gross out the folks at the gym.  I will say though that I have found yet another thing to be thankful for. God has blessed me with blond leg hair so that even when left unshaven for extended periods of time it goes mostly unseen.  Where are you sun and warmth? This cold wintry Kansas mix is taking its toll on my mood and motivation.

Clearly that would be the quite literal hairy part of this post. Onward to the somewhat scary.. (I guess the leg hair could be categorized as both hairy and scary...ha!)

Another month down and still no baby W.  My physicians are fairly certain that I have a hormone deficiancy that does not allow me to maintain that uterine lining that has been deemed "beautiful" by the sono tech in the last two months.  No uterine lining, means that there is nowhere for the egg to attach, so no baby.

It seems like everytime we fix one issue another arises.  I am definitely feeling defeated this month, but I will not loosen my death grip on the hope that God has us on this path for some reason .

Now for the EXTRA SCARY part of the post. (I guess the leg hair fits into this category as well...double ha!)  My doctors have decided that what may be required to assist us with becoming pregnant is outside of their scope of treatement. I am being referred on to the Center for Reproduction... holy crap!  I never saw this coming.  Just the thought of requiring any more assistance than I have already recieved is beyond terrifying.   This was the first conversation with my physician that I could not hold back the tears and we even had to take a small phone break for me to gather myself.  (Have I mentioned how much my physician team rocks! She was beyond patient and talked me through all of my questions. She is also extremely optimistic that the next step will do the trick)  Rational Aubrey believes her ( I know that other women face much more serious issues that are even more difficult to overcome.), emotional Aubrey that felt as though she had just been hit by the bad news bus (that reversed and ran her over once more for good measure) not so much. 

I was provided with 2 options. 

#1- Take a month off and establish myself at the clinic so I am ready for my cycle in April
#2- Try one more round of the femara, ovidrel (shot in stomach), progesterone treatment












Enveloped in trials...CHECK
Encountering temptations (specifically those that are challenging my faith)... CHECK
Maintining some form of understanding as to the purpose of this... CHECKish

Well according to my daily devotional I am pretty much in training to be a marathoner ... God is helping me build endurance and steadfastness and patience... Lucky me(please read this "lucky me" with extreme sarcasm)...(Pause for some reflection)...No, but honestly, lucky me.  I am becoming a stronger person and Austin and I are becoming a stronger and closer couple, and I am developing a stronger relationship with God as a direct result of these trials.  I am also becoming a person that isn't just praying  to God when things aren't going my way (which I am most definitely am guilty of), but I am learning to speak with him throughout the day and give praise consistently for all of the good in my life.  Yes, there is definitely some bad, some hard, some (hairy) and some ugly, but there is also good, great, brightness and glory.  I am a blessed woman and I am wholly(ish) joyful. 

As proven via verse. I am a marathoner and not one to give up or take breaks. So one more round of Femara it is!!!!

Should this path still lead me to the Center ,I know that they are  AMAZING at with what they do and there,we will find something that works, but for this month your prayers are much appreciated for Austin and I.  We are  ready to be parents and are working so hard to get there.  I am not asking that you pray that God give us a baby.  I have no doubt that he will provide us with what we need when it's time.  Please pray that we are able to live this life as marathoners that we are able to maintain our endurance, steadfastness and patience. Bless you all my beautiful friends.  I love you all to the moon and back!